Letters to Hagar

At the funeral   Anuki Erica Franziska Jimmy Marek Norma Peder Peter Hass Sara Lundell

Stefano Stephanie Solbritt Furberg Valeria                                                    back to homepage

Tom Edlund :

Hagar,

If there were no drugs
If you had given yourself more time to heal
If Eran and I had communicated
If I had reacted when you told me out of the blue "I am sorry" in our last phone call
If dad had stopped you from getting on the car when he felt we had lost you
If mom had stopped you from going on the bus after an uncharacteristic kiss
If Ben could have talked to you at noon
If the police had checked credit card withdrawals
If locating the place of the cell phone had been weighed against the precision of the measurement
If the seekers had not missed you by seconds
If you had known how much we loved you

If we do not bury all the 'ifs' with you
And concentrate on the memories
We will not be able to continue living

Always loves you
Tom   

Anuki

It's very hard for me to write, although i have a lot to say about Hagar...
Hagar becomes an unforgettable sorrow for me, life goes on but it will never be

the same without her. Hagar often used to tell me: "We should be glad and grateful that we have each other. Don't let the regret take over…"

Hagar's Family
I would like to be with you now on Sunday.
I am so sorry and it hurts so much.

Dear Hagar!
Thank you for all the nice moments together!
Thank you for all the support and the huge love.
I already miss your joyful laughter.
My beautiful and full of love friend, I can't and don't want to say goodbye
'cause you still remain with me…
Love you and will love you forever.
With a big hug!
Your best friend
Anuki 

Erica Holmstrom

Dear Hagar,
 This is my last letter to you. That is so sorrowful that I cannot describe it with words.
 Our letter exchange was an obvious part of my childhood, as obvious as our

 summers when we picket raspberry, played football, walked on dew-wet fields and went swimming. Together with you and your wonderful family I got the chance to experience real Swedish "Astrid Lindgren summers". During this time - the best time of my life - we created a bond for life, which gave me unbelievable happiness.
 Naturally with the years passing by - our contact became more sporadic. I would like to believe it is something that happens to most of us - the daily routine takes more of our time and people that we do not meet on a daily basis are left behind in the shadows. The Hebrew that you taught me to write are since long forgotten (even if I still possess the notebook we used and all of our letters) and that promised trip to Israel I still have not fulfilled. Even though our conversations became more casual with the years, I could not escape to notice that you became a beautiful, funny and intelligent woman. Your sense of humour and your happiness reflected everything you said or did; therefore meeting you always have been interesting and exciting. I am so grateful that you contacted me last summer and we had a chance to spend a whole afternoon together - everything was as in our world of childhood! I was spoiled and believed that we had all the time in the world to share moments like this that together - we did have them almost every year! It breaks my heart that I was wrong.

There are just a few childhood friends with whom we still spend time- The fact that we, who lived so far apart, is amazing and remarkable! So do not think that you get rid of me now! I am going to think of you from time to time, and on a beautiful day, another summer day as in the books of Astrid Lindgren, I will visit your summerhouse, sit down on the wharf and talk to you, my dear friend Hagar.

 Erica

Franziska

To the family of the dearest Hagar,
We are very sorry to hear this. Our thoughts are with you and we wish we could be coming to her funeral today.
When Hagar was in Goteborg, we became extremely good friends. I loved Hagar very much and appreciated her strong and good friendship. I´ll always remember the great time we had together. Hagar took me on a trip with her to Holland last summer where I met my soulmate and now fiance Russell. Our thoughts are with you, Hagar!
You´ll be always deep in my heart and I`ll always remember the beautiful and wonderful Hagar.
In love, Franzi and Russell

Jimmy
I will always remember her as the way she was the last we saw each other - happy, open hearted and spontaneous, with an unusual sense of understanding that, in spite of occasional girl-like teasing, was clear.
Had she only appreciated her own life as much as we did hers, none of this would have happened. The pointlessness and the injustice with her falling is beyond words.
I grieve for her but also for her close relatives, my friends for whom she has left a void that never can be filled.

/Jimmy

Marek
You were my first real friend in Sweden. For a period of time we worked in the same place and lived next to each other. During that time we spent a lot of time together and got to know each other very well. I will always remember the evenings at your place!

Marek

Norma Franzen
Dear Ety, Kent, Tom and Ben,
 i am still very shocked about Hagars death and i am very sorry not to be able to be with you on Sunday! There are no words of comfort for her loss, and i am very unhappy that i did not meet her last summer. Eventhough i wasn´t in such close contact to her and all of you during the last year, the information i got from Shai, Haggis emails and our phone calls once a year always made me feel very close to you all. And whenever i met Hagar or talked to her on the phone it was as if the time in-between - when we did not have so much contact - had been only really short and it was as if i had just been volunteer in ns/was. She was always so open and honest to me. Haggi always used to say to me: "Normshook, things will never change between us - even if we don´t meet for a long time". And she was right then. It makes me very sad, that i did not know about her changing so much during the last half a year. The Hagar, i remember so well, was very powerful, brave and full of live. I loved her for her spontaneous, sometimes crazy ideas and i have so many wonderful memories of the time in israel, sweden and germany with her. It really hurts to know that this all should be over now. The ability of Hagar to integrate and bring people together with a few open words always impressed me. It was Hagar who made me feel home in ns/was as a volunteer. She always told me to come along, took me to places and always gave me the feeling that it is nothing big, that it´s natural. I am still very thankful for this. And as the period in ns/was - eventhough it is so long ago and so many things happened in-between - was/is a very important time for me in my life, Hagshook is deep in my heart and i will never forget her!
 

I wish i could be with you in this time. Anyway, Ety, Kent, Tom and Ben, i am with my heart and my mind with you and wish you strength for tomorrow and the coming time. Hope to keep in touch with you all,
                                                                       with Love, Norma
 Peder Lindgren
Hi Hagar

Don't know what to write…where are you?

I took yesterday a walk around Gothenburg and all the places reminded me the funny moments we shared, for example at a ridiculous Seven Eleven shop where we were messing with all the good-looking and the ugly people that passed by, we laughed a lot, a lot. The tourist exhibition for a year ago when under a war we made commercials for Israel, it was a comic situation and a happy moment. I felt a big emptiness after that day, but it's nothing compare to now, Hagar.

I will always remember you laughing and a bit "crazy". You were a girl that got one to feel self confident, not that quiet and shy little boy…I just wish I new how you felt…there are questions that    nibble in my head.

I don't know what I should write. You meant so much for me…

My thought goes especially to Ben and Tom.

Goodbye Hagar Edlund

Peter Hass
Dear Hagar,
 Since I got the terrible news that you are not with us anymore and since writing to your family (se below) your lovely face, your smile and your very pleasant nature has followed me all the time. Why did I not tell you this and how much I liked you when you were still with us. 

You will be in my memory forever. And I feel I am very much linked to your family in their deep sorrow. 

With love forever
 Peter

Sara Lundell

Dearest Hagar!
We are so sorry, your life ended too early.
I'm not sure if you now who I am, but I wanted to meet you and your family in ?sele at July 24-25. It's sad that you don't join us. But now when you are an angel, maybe you will fly and take a look at us, and see how we miss you. 

[Angels can fly]
I cant see you,
I can't hear you,
Because you don't exist here anymore,
But you will be in our thoughts,
We will always remember you in our minds. 

Now I know for sure that drugs are no good and it's not so hard to be changed by it.
I will not remember you as my third cousin who took cannabis and died. No, you will be the third cousin from Israel that I didn't get a big chance to know.
I now that angels understand Swedish but it felt more real to write in English.
I hope you will be a good angel and not just look at us, help us when we need help, everybody need help sometimes,
Now especially.

Sara Lundell
Your third cousin (I think it is)
From Hornosand, Sweden.

  
Stefano
To Hagar,

One year has passed since you broke my heart and now you did it again. I have been trying with all my energies to get on with my life and forget you. But I couldn't, I haven't been able to. Do you remember when we had the fight and you were whispering into my ear while I was sleeping: "you will never forget me…..you will never forget me". I woke up and asked you what you were doing and you told me that you were trying to hypnotize me in my sleep so that I wouldn't leave you or forget you. I never did that Hagar I always loved you even when I tried to hate you. I could have done anything crazy for you but maybe I didn't do enough. I remember when you wanted me to hug you so u could fall asleep; after we broke up I told you that I missed you so much that I kept on dreaming that you were sleeping in my arms. I loved u and I never stopped dreaming about our future and our kids. Till Ben called me, the 18th of March, I still dreamed that one day I would have met you again and maybe it would have happened, maybe in few years we would have met and fall in love again. We always joked about who between us was going to look older in 20 years time. I regret firmly and strongly regret that I let you go, even if I was going to be rejected by you and your family I should have come to see u when you were in Sweden. I could always read what was going on with you even when you were lying, what happened to you this year? I can't believe you did this, what pushed you to take these actions? A part of me always understood why u did certain things even when those things made me freak out like what u did in Amsterdam, your soul was always restless and searching for sensations. I tried my best to hold you and let you calm down but I didn't succeed. I hate myself for the decision to go to Norway, I hate myself for making u feel insecure about our relationship than. I remember that day in Gullmarsplan you told me if you don't go to Norway I will not go to Gothenburg and we will stay in Stockholm. I wish I would have a time machine going back to that day and change everything. Your moving back to Gothenburg was the beginning of the end. Hagar you were like a poppy flower looking so bright, beautiful and strong but so fragile inside. When you needed calm and stability to balance your restlessness and need for sensations you had people misunderstanding your being and fragility and suggesting you the opposite, the travels, the parties, the student life, the drugs. What did I have to offer to counterbalance all these attractive excitements? Obviously whatever I had was not enough and the influence from other people made the rest. But as I said anything I could understand except that this last action you did. What made you wanted to die and die like this, this is an act that you must have planned and in order to do this you must have seen no way out from the situation in which you were.
Maybe I will not find the answers but you know I will never forget you. I will not be able to come to your funeral but I will come later, they say that when people die their presence is where they are remembered and loved, so I guess one part of you whether you want it or not will still be in Stockholm with me.

See you soon my love,

Stefano

Stephanie
Dear Tom, Ben, Ety and Kent,

Thursday night I talked to Tom Kremer who informed me about
the tragic demise of Hagar.
No words can express what I felt.
To say "I am sorry" seems superficial but it is not meant like that,
I simply don´t have the right words for the pain that we all feel and
that I am sharing.

I do have a lot of nice memories of Hagar:
Very soon after my arrival in Neve Shalom/ Wahat alSalam I met
Hagar; she used to sit with us in the small kitchen, telling us about
Israel and the parties that were about to be organized in Nachshon.

Hagar (together with Shai) made us feel at home in Israel. We always
felt welcome at your home - her home was a home for us!
I personally wasn´t used to such openess and still wanted to keep the
"german politeness" that I was educated to keep. But with Hagar and
all of you in your house it was not necessary! That was a very new
experience for me.

I still remember how Hagar once cut my hair in your living-room, she quickly
decided which parts of my hair should be cut and which could stay.
I looked a bit different afterwards... it was not the kind of haircut
I would prefer today - but it was fun and we enjoyed together.

Something that is in my mind till today is the birthday of Norma in NS/WAS:
we had made a little booklet for her with a couple of pictures of Shai, Hagar
and the volunteers. Only a nice cover was missing. As we came to Hagar
to ask her to paint a cover she took a few pencils and drew a juggling hand -
just like that! In less than 10 minutes.
She was very talented and it was fascinating for me to watch her drawing
and painting.

And all the shishi nights that we spent dancing in Nachshon and other
kibbutzim...! I think we wouldn´t have got all these chances if Hagar and Shai
had not asked us to join them.
It made me feel at home and part of the village. Hagar never excluded us
(the volunteers), she always had energy to offer her friendship to all the
new ones that were arriving regularly.

And I remember our days in Berlin! It was terribly cold - which was good
to go for ice-skating on one of the lakes. While Koby (from Jerusalem)
made his first attempts to skate Hagar was almost dancing on the ice.
She was experienced and we were impressed by her skating abilities.

I often admired her courage - she wasn´t scared for example to go to Japan
to take up a simple job over there. And she came over to Germany to sell
pictures in a country that was strange to her.

When we came to Sweden she gave us that little house that I understood
she used to sleep in. She was very hospitable... and I sometimes felt ashame
that I could never give back all the love and openess she had for us.

I will remember her as a courage, open and very warm-hearted person.
It consoles me that we will meet again: "...venipagesh bassof, ata jodea..."

You and all those who mourn now are in my prayers.

yours,
Stephanie

Solbritt Furberg
To Hagar
Be loved, be loved Hagar,
so young, beautiful and intelligent!
You had the whole life in front of you.
But, now you have left us.
Your grief and despair was tremendous,
your strength was not enough,
we can not really understand your struggle.
We wanted to give you hope that everything would become alright,
soon you would be able to see the joy in life again.
But you could not belive in a better future!
We all miss you so mutch, but you have peace now, no suffer.
Your soul can rest now.
God is with you!

Grandfather, Solbritt and Gunnar, Karin and Per with Pontus and Emma,
Stefan, Ulf and Marianne

Valeria
Like a sting of an unbearable pain came the news of my dear friend's death.

Hagar, your vital spirit and sincerity have charmed me, your warmth and care have enreached my life. I treasured dearly our friendship and I will forever carry your image in my soul's most sacred perch.

Love you, my dear friend.
Valeria

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